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The Pocketbook Puzzles

Why does the Queen carry one?

You know what I love?
Fashion! (can’t you tell?)

You know what I love more than fashion?

And you know what I have somewhat vague interest in?

When you combine those important specialties you’re left with someone who possesses a keen eye for the intersection where they collide in a giant or somewhat average pile-up.

As the Obamas paid a visit to England this week, I noted that upon their arrival at Buckingham Palace they were greeted by Her Majesty The Queen and her pocketbook. Having seen such a device on many occasions before, I thought nothing of it until I noted that no-one else seemed to be similarly equipped.

Then I noted at the state dinner that followed there seemed to be another pocketbook situation.

Which led me down a rabbit trail…

Does she always have it?

Mostly yes.

Now I need to know more!!!

WHY does she always have a pocketbook?
Is she planning a quick escape? Does she think someone will rifle through it if she turns her back?

Is there no-one who will hold it for her?
I think Prince Philip looks like he might forget it on a bench somewhere, but surely there is a footman who could help.

Is there something(s) super important in said pocketbook?
Smokes? Sweets? State secrets? iphone?

There are a lot of unanswered questions people. I choose to believe that there’s much more happening than just a fashion statement. And I want to know what that is!!

I took to twitter to ask for suggestions on what she might be carrying and some of the responses included:

“money with her picture on it”

“Change for the parking meters and pepper spray”

“a sonic screwdriver”

I’m still not convinced. So I want to know…

What do you think is in there?

BTW – as a citizen of a Commonwealth country I must make clear that my Queen can do whatever the heck she wants! Like wear a hairnet to the Chelsea Flower show

I just want to hug her! I bet she smells nice.

Susan Isaacs

Susan’s a multitask-er who prides herself on the vast number of things (read: loose papers and coffee cups) on her desk at any one time, and yet she still manages to keep an eye on all the moving parts at Paragon.


5 thoughts on “The Pocketbook Puzzles

  1. Murray says:

    OK .. you have touched on something that good English people really don’ like to talk about… but now that you have, I feel obliged to clear this matter up before you are ceremoniously tarred, righteously feathered and thrown in the Tower of London.

    There are a number of very personal items in this high-tech device, which like the Tardis. is far larger inside than out.

    * An unpaid parking ticket made out to Mrs Liz Windsor

    * A couple of pieces of Colonel Sanders Spicy Swan Wings wrapped in a doily.

    * A polaroid of Harry from 2005 dressed up in fancy dress as a as a Nazi officer that was a valentine gift from Prince Phillip.

    * A blow-up corgi

    * A business card from Mrs Wallace Simpson’s divorce lawyer

    * A small rag doll with pins stuck in it that looks surprisingly like Fergie

    * A T-shirt from Silvio Berlusconi with the letters ‘QUILF’ on it.

    * A security camera DVD of Ronald Reagan and Mrs Thatcher in Windsor Castle’s ‘Love Dungeon’

    There a numerous other items, but as I am already hiding in the colonies, I felt it wise not to go into too much detail.

    Also, on a technical note, since in 2009 they upgraded the Royal pocket books to 802.11n, she is now able to activate the electronic ‘fart box’ in the guest bedroom from almost anywhere on the palace grounds.

    PS: Oh please do be a dear and remove that picture of Her Majesty with George Bush it really made me feel quite ill… again.

  2. Susan says:

    Hahahahaha!!!!! Well thought through and very enlightening Murray.
    I just laughed so hard my face hurts.

    (FYI – I put Dubya in because he looks like he knows what’s in there….WMDs!!!)

  3. Murray says:

    Well if you insist on keeping it in please add the following speech bubbles:

    HRH: “So what do you do?”
    GWB:”Anything I damned well feel like”

  4. Phil says:

    Nice thoughtful list Murray! I’d go with:

    * Her battery
    * Price Philip’s emergency flask
    * A copy of “The King’s Speech” on laser disc
    * 2 x Jay-Z albums and an 8-track recording of “Muscrat Love”
    * Key’s to a ’68 Fastback convertible with a full tank of gas and side mounted “peasant pelters”

    That is all.

  5. Kirsten says:

    Her pocketbooks are all empty – she lines them with Ziplock baggies and uses them to sneak home free condiments and extra food stuffs from the various events she attends.

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